08 May 2005 12:19am

One day, I woke early in the morning to watch the sunrise. Ah, the beauty of God's creation was beyond description. As I watched, I praised God for His beautiful work.

As I sat there, I felt the Lord's presence with me.

He asked me,"Do you love me?"

I answered,"Of course, God! You are my Lord and Savior!"

Then He asked,"If you were physically handicapped, would you still love me?"

I was perplexed. I looked down upon my arms, legs and the rest of my body and wondered how many things I wouldn't be able to do, the things that I took for granted. And I answered, "It would be tough Lord, but I would still love You."

Then the Lord said, "If you were blind, would you still love my creation?"

How could I love something without being able to see it? Then I thought of all the blind people in the world and how many of them still loved God and His creation. So I answered, "Its hard to think of it, but I would still love you."

The Lord then asked me, "If you were deaf, would you still listen to my word?"

How could I listen to anything being deaf? Then I understood. Listening to God's Word is not merely using our ears, but our hearts. I answered, "It would be tough, but I would still listen to Your word."

The Lord then asked, "If you were mute, would you still praise My Name?"

How could I praise without a voice? Then it occurred to me: God wants us to sing from our very heart and soul. It never matters what we sound like. And praising God is not always with a song, but when we are persecuted, we give God praise with our words of thanks. So I answered, "Though I could not physically sing, I would still praise Your Name."

And the Lord asked, "Do you really love Me?"

With courage and a strong conviction, I answered boldly,"Yes Lord! I love You!"

I thought I had answered well, but God asked, "THEN WHY DO YOU SIN?"

I answered, "Because I am only human. I am not perfect."

"THEN WHY IN TIMES OF PEACE DO YOU STRAY THE FURTHEST? WHY ONLY IN TIMES OF TROUBLE DO YOU PRAY THE EARNEST?" No answers. Only tears. The Lord continued: "Why only sing at fellowships and retreats? Why seek Me only in times of worship? Why ask things so selfishly? Why ask things so unfaithfully?" The tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

"Why are you ashamed of Me? Why are you not spreading the good news? Why in times of persecution, you cry to others when I offer My shoulder to cry on? Why make excuses when I give you opportunities to serve in My Name?"

I tried to answer, but there was no answer to give. I sobbed uncontrollably. There was a great pain of anguish within.

"You are blessed with life. I made you not to throw this gift away. I have blessed you with talents to serve Me, but you continue to turn away. I have revealed My Word to you, but you do not gain in knowledge. I have spoken to you but your ears were closed. I have shown My blessings to you, but your eyes were turned away. I have sent you servants, but you sat idly by as they were pushed away. I have heard your prayers and I have answered them all."

"DO YOU TRULY LOVE ME ?"

I could not answer. How could I? I was disgraced beyond belief. I had no excuse. What could I say to this? When I had cried my heart out and the tears had ceased to flow, I said, "Please forgive me Lord. I am unworthy to be Your child."

The Lord answered, "This is My Grace, My child."

I asked, "Then why do you continue to forgive me? Why do You love me?"

The Lord answered, "Because you are My creation. You are my child. I will never abandon you. When you cry, I will have compassion and cry with you. When you shout with joy, I will laugh with you. When you are down, I will encourage you. When you fall, I will raise you up. When you are tired, I will carry you. I will be with you till the end of days, and I will love you forever."

Never had I cried so hard before. How could I have been so cold? How could I have hurt God as I had done?

I asked God, "How much do You love me?"

He said, "I love you this much", and The Lord stretched out His arms open wide. I saw His nail-pierced hands. I bowed down at the feet of Christ, my Savior. And for the first time, I truly prayed.

07 May 2005 2:51pm

Yoz.. yesterday i went out with my whole family and celebrating mother day. It has been a long time for us to gather together again... Great! We went seaoul garden at casueway point to have our dinner. My bro and i had already decided to pay for this dinner.. wow.. it cause us about $85 each.. haha... During our dinner, we didnt talk much.. but i think we have a great time. I realise my family is those family members that doesnt express to each other feeling. That my charc.. that how i grow up. I usually will keep it to myself. I'm not like others who will share all their personal things to their parents.. but i wont... if i will, hmm... i dont think i will.
After finished my dinner, i have to go down to bugis. Who asked me had already promise daniel to return his book to him. Haha.. at first thought i working, but at last cancel because wanna celebrate mother day. When i reach there, i just help out awhile.. then leave the place. By the time reach home was about 12am+.. Wow.. then i watch vcds... Keep myself entertain... But my mind keep thinking about my future... wat should i do...

05 May 2005 1:34am

Oh my god, result is out this morning. I'm so scared will repeat... haiz.. somemore, work morning shift, cant check result by myself.. have to ask that lazy bum joelle to help me. She so forgetful, recently found out that she really good in talk lame jokes.. super lame and talkative..

Came back home not long ago, so thirsty.. so i go fridge and took a can of beer to drink. Woow.. nice... but don wanna drink much.. if not later got belly.. i will cry.

Recenty at work, i am keep eating free cakes, drink soft drink.. Oh my god, become more n more fat.. how... must exercise liao.. if not.. will regret.. i wanna find sometimes.. go lib and read books to increase my knowledge, find sometimes to exercise.. find sometimes to enjoy my life...

What is enjoy life? very simple - can be at cafe drink some coffee and looking some books or chat with friends, or it can be sleeping at home.. slack at home... or best is go oversea! haha..

Keep thinking my result... now then regret, too late liao.. haha.. Next sem don wanna waste time playing.. must really study.. if not.. my future will be gone... ! Study hard!

04 May 2005 3:39am

A letter to Him

My tears just fall whenever I thinking about You. Thinking back bruise and battered of the words, my heart hurt deeply. Thinking back my walk with You, my heart sink deeply. I'm a child who always make mistakes, a child that is not clean. I cant feel You. I do not know where You heading now? I scared losing You, I scared You angry with me. You forget me? Why cant i feel it? I lost my way, i cant find You, i cant go back home.. Take me Lord! Strengthen me, Guide me, love me once again.. I always fail to be good, fail to move on and high.
Jesus, you stolen my heart.. i falling deeply in love with You. Please... you know My heart more than i do.. Please.... help me... it pain. i thought if i go the other way, it will not hurt. But i'm wrong. Please give me strength to..

03 May 2005 9:52pm

02 May 2005 12:48am

Finally, today is house warming... A lot of people coming. Even mostly from malaysia all the way travelled to spore just because of our house warming. Wow.. It seem i really long time go back malaysia to visit my relatives. When they came, i aslo forgotten how to call them. haha... After that my friends came too.. Tak yee that group bought a set of cooking pot for my mum. Really thanks them.. haha.. I will use that pot ofen.. haha.. Then kolina that group bought me a lamp, which i love and like the most. When i switch on.. it great! Somemore i put a cross in front of it. Add this light of lamp, my room = "prefect room" haha... Thanks them for coming my house warming. They have to entertian themselves as i busy... haha.. kolina that group were great self entertianer.. haha.. Almost going to mess my room.. haha.. Then after that i had to go work.. boring and tiring... During working, i cant concentrate.. keep thinking nothing haha.. it only happened after i saw a gal came in and reading chc daily devotion. On that moment, really told myself have to follow the bible reading too.. i dont to be even more away from Him and church. I asked myself 1 qn, if i know i cant go to heaven, will i still contiune going church. My ans just came in is Yes. Because i love Him that why i go church.. heaven is the other thing.. Not i don wanna.. but.. haiz... Last week, bro sebas just had a small talk with me. He told me one thing, if i still like that, i cant enter the gate of heaven. Is i really care of going to heaven or loving Him? Haiz... complicated! Dont say liao.. thinking too much...

01 May 2005 12:53am

I'm using my bro comp right now to update my blog. I spent my day by going service. Before that, i went to bugis to meet up with felicia to have dinner. Then go serivce together. We enter Billy Bomber to have our dinner. I ate Mixed grill which have turkey,lamb meat and sausage and egg with potato salad. Hmm... the food not bad, at first it look so little but after finished eating feeling quite full liao. After we finished our dinner, we travelled down to jurong. I'm tired and cant concentrate during the serivce. But before pastor Kong end the service, the presence of God was strong. Pastor pray for people that wan to be on fire for God, those age from 30 to 40. My first thing in mind was i should be going down too. Even though i'm 20 but spiritually i'm "30". "30" that is those didnt put Him first, ambition and care for own live. I just cant control my tears, it keep rolling down. Whenever Pastor kong began to lay hand, i have a great fear in me. Not Godly fear, but i don wat that.. i don dare to let pastor lay hand on me... I don know why.. since last dec when something happened. No one know.. becasue no one care. When worshipping, i kept crying and my mind keep thinking i'm useless. I really felt that i let Him and my parents down. I'm so useless gal. Then suddenly image of bro andrew pop up and rem he prayed for me last time, he told me God love me. My heart sunk deeply when worshipping Him. A word of God can change your mindset, the presence of God can change your live. After serivce, i don feel like talking.. my mind in a blank state. * Heavenly Father, i really miss home, i want to go back home!* why cant i have a simple heart just to simply love U?

30 April 2005 4:46am

 What time is it? still writing blog, werid right? Of course! I'm super tired and sleepy. But i cant! My cousins had "took over" my room. So angry!!! I dont know they came so early to Spore. They are staying for our house warming on sunday. But I really angry and tired lah! Cant slp! Cant went into my room to get anything... just reached home.. cant DO anything! Super fasutrated! Oh.. stop, why i reached home so late? Haha... Let me tell you what had happen for yesterday. I wake up and rush to work in the morning. During my work, this is my first time saw my "training Officer" to my work place. I dont like her... She keep looking at me.. how i work? Hate it! Hiaz.. I told my "boss", I'm so bad luck for today... I didnt give her any good impression.. haha! i dont care.! I ended work at 3pm. Then i stay at Tcc for 2 hours just to wasting my time. After that i went bookstores to look for books. Yesh! 6pm arrived, i meeting a group of 6 ppl (sec friends) for outing. While i walked down to mrt control, i recieved a call from a friend  and said that they will late for 1 hour. Oh my god! Suddenly very angry, and "raise" my voice a little bit. Then without any choice, i standing there alone waiting. ( most reason why i am angry becasue i don have enough sleep, already tired.. still need to wait for 1 hour! ) 7pm, they reached. We went to V8 cafe and have our dinner. Food not bad but service not that good. Still need to pay 10% service charge. haha... We have a great fun during our dinner... and we keep chatting some jokes. After this, we went to take neo-print. This is our first time taking neo-print together. Great! Finished all this, we went to Tang Cafe and settle down to have a drink and talk. Our purpose of this outing is becasue of farewell lay ying "going off" soon. In Tang cafe, i order Vodka + Longan to try. Hmm... not bad lah... Longan not sweet but bitter becasue of the vodka bah... We had a great fun in Tang Cafe. Awhile later, lucille bf came. We played a lot of card games and telling some lame jokes... haha... quite fun... The best part is we playing "fall fit" and "true or dare" We had using the cherry to feed other by using mouth, dance, kiss the poster on the wall, tell other people that you are a guy or les.. haha.. and a lot.. we played unitl 2am. Lucille, her bf, mei jun n keting share cab home. Left me tak yee, lay ying n pearlyn taking night rider. Before taking bus home, we had our super at 7-11 store. By the time, i reached home is 4am +. .. Already tired but don have bed to sleep and even cant do anything about it.. like washing my face.. etc.. Kns..! So i at my sis room using comp to type this. I thinking after typing, i will just laid down on the table and sleep. tml morning when they wake up, then go back to my room and sleep... haiz...!! angry lah! haha.. i already repeat many times.. but really angry lah... haha.. i should stop here.. waiting for them sending me photos.. then upload it here... ;-)

28 April 2005 10:30pm

Yeh! This is my first time travel to JB with friends. Normally, i went with my family. I scared that i will get rob, so i hide my money. haha in case. God protected us! Everything alright during our journey. I reached early at kranji and waited 45 mins for Wendy and kok siong. Actually not their fault for beening late as they came from school. We took 179 bus to causeway, and pass the custom check. I felt quite excited because is my first time travelling with friends to JB. 1st, we went City Saqure shopping mall which very near causeway. This shopping mall is new and big which mostly sporeans like to go there shopping. Wow... clothes are cheap. I bought a T-shirt for RM20... on the T-shirt, it wrote "1 cross + 3 nails 4 given". The funny part is the shop uncle told me to get children larger size L. As adult size S is too big for me.. OMG.. 20 yrs old lady (me) still wear children size.. haha.. my friend and i keep laughing at it. haha... Then we walk around the shop Yar.. Malaysia Rotiboy is much more better than spore rotiboy... much more nicer and bigger.. rotiboy - great! Oh.. 4pm, we need to go out of the shopping center and took free bus to other shopping center. So, our second destination is Pelangi plaza. A shopping center look like far east plaza.. haha.. Nothing much there.. we just walking around and shop shop. After that, we took cab to Holiday shopping center. There is famous of lot of priated vcds shops. Really, 1st floor all are those shops, then 2nd is clothes.. then 3rd is hair salon. We went in a shop which sell posters... the posters quite nice... i didnt buy as i dont put poster on my wall haha..! After kok siong finished buying his comic books and posters, (just i typing unitl here, i heard my mum "scolded" my dad beening smoking..haiz...) we walk to Taman food center and eat. Wow.. this is the greatest and fruitful in this journey... The food is really delicious! And All dishes are my fav food. Kok siong told us the "cuttle fish" is great... we had tried it. One word marvelous! Wendy and I had eat unitl really full. Even though wendy keep saying she is full, but her hand didnt stop getting the food to her mouth.. because she say too delicious. HAHA! After having a great meal, we went back to City Square. Kok siong left some money, so he decided to buy Jay poster and Vcds. Now it's time going back home... oh.. miss home liao. By the time we reached Spore is about 9pm. Wendy and I had said that we will come back again ... This time will bring lot of money.. we want to buy a lot of things... and do manicure.. hair...Spa... and facial aslo.. all cheaper than Spore... After this journey, i felt like going back KL. Long time didnt go back there... a bit miss HomE. Waiting for Kok siong to send me pics to upload here ;-)

28 April 2005 3:10am